“Hurry Hurry Hurry-Step Right UP! Step right this way!”
How do you become something that you may not even know what it is?
Or has yet to be matured as such?
Many people have done exactly that and I started thinking about the many arenas that are impacted by social media from corporate America, to entrepreneurs, to the family next door. And I thought that there should be an official ”guideline” about becoming an “expert” in social media, and even a possible school that you may want to attend.
Maybe the school is pushing it for a lot of people, but according to a recent website I was on, I found out there are ” 7 Hidden Deep and Tightly and Jealously guarded Inner Sanctum Secrets that only can be learned from a Social Media Underground Web Spy whose number is 002.0-and Revealed are the Inner Circle Buried Treasures that Only can Come from a Reclusive genius Social Media Guru “–so let’s take look at the path to ‘expert” status in social media.
What exactly is a “social media expert?”
A former drip with a computer?
That says a lot.
How about someone who simply says they are.
How about someone that has a computer and a facebook account.
How about anyone that has ever tweeted-once. That will do it.
Lots of folks out there that have done just that and have become a ‘superstar” in the social media arena.
Well…sort of. Maybe a twinkle star might be more like it. But none the less they are out there with their brand new websites and alluring videos espousing the latest guru online.
Below is a TRUE story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.
I recently received an email from someone that promised me to teach me EVERYTHING I needed to know about social media and all I had to do was pay this person $1000.00.
Hmmm…$1000.00 to become an EXPERT???
Wow- whole lot cheaper than College.
But I wanted to talk to this expert personally, as he wanted to charge me this money–so I emailed him and I called him up from his email he sent with his number.
Ring Ring- “Hello- Mr Expert here.”
Whoa! I am talking to a real live expert! I asked him as I was very curious as how did he become such a big ticket so quickly- wow- I was in like–awe. He came down from his secret guru headquarters to talk to me- one of the little people in the world–and told me about the “7 Jealously guarded underground inner circle maverick steps” he took and he would share them with me as I could become like HIM- for ONLY—
$1000.00 –for an hour long webinar I must do whatever it took to attend. “Borrow the money, or even steal it as you will be so glad you did as you will know MY secrets….:”
Well, being inquisitive as I always am, I was rather curious about some things. After all, he was asking for some mula.
Maybe he could answer some questions from dumb ol me – since he was an “expert” and I was on the much lower realm of the lower side of life ladder according to how I was being talked to.
I innocently asked him if he had ever read “Cluetrain“ and he said, “What is that?”
I accidentally asked him if he knew who Brian Solis was, and he said, “Of course, come on–he’s a pitcher for the mets.”
I asked him if he knew who Chris Brogan was, and he said, “Yeah- he’s a very good actor and son of Hollywood actor James Brolin.”
I asked him about the book “Tribes” and NO KIDDING- this is what he said- “I do not like Indian folklore as it is too boring to me as I am too busy raising up Social Media experts.”
Sigh. (Full Disclosure: I have an actual recording of this conversation.)
And I finally asked him if he had a blog and he said, “Yes- of course. It was on WordPress.” I asked him what plugins he was using, and he said, “Plugin-for what?”
Oh- he had a blog on wordpress.com
Nothing wrong with that-for experts. I need to get one. I got a .org version. Bummer.
Whew. I was not sure if I was going to pay $1000.00 to learn how to become a social media “expert” with this person, but I persisted and asked him one more question:
“What social sites are you on?”
“Facebook, Youtube, and Myspace,” he answered. “Myspace is where it is at my friend…Trust me.”
So in light of this enlightening conversation and tremendous educational intersection, here are my 7 Highly Guarded Underground Hidden steps to become an “Expert in Social Media” in 24 hours or less:
(According to this expert that I was on the phone with…I WISH you could hear the recording…)
2) Get a wordpress.com blog and write a post on it - once.
3) Forget twitter- podcasts take up too much time.
4) Throw a website up declaring you an expert in Social Media as this guy did – and make it pretty, with Video and audio, and have all the right web 2.0 colors as colors are “psychologically alluring” to the expert.
5) Start talking the lingo-”Friends,” “Posts,” “Groups,” “Strategy,” “Skype me,” “blogosphere,” and of course the BIG word in social media according to him- “Meet up.”
6) Get your email list together and start emailing people you know declaring your new expert status.
7) Pick a Date to hold a webinar– and Charge a $1000.00 per person. Be high pressure and talk down to everyone. And get a pay pal account to make sure when you rake in the bucks, you will have a way to capture it online.
Forget paypal. Use authorize.net- more friendly.
ok- those are the 7 steps to becoming a social media “expert” within 24 hours. We now know what it takes.
By the way…this “expert” has called me back 5 times since our first conversation promising more each time.
Shoot- what did I do with my facebook password?
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