Social Media Marketing- How to Become an “Expert” in Social Media in 24 Hours or Less

“Hurry Hurry Hurry-Step Right UP! Step right this way!”

How do you become something that you may not even know what it is?

Or has yet to be matured as such?

Many people have done exactly that and I started thinking about the many arenas that are impacted by social media from corporate America, to entrepreneurs, to the family next door. And I thought that there should be an official  ”guideline” about becoming an “expert” in social media, and even a possible school that you may want to attend.

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Ok.

Maybe the school is pushing it for a lot of people, but according to a recent website I was on, I found out there are ” 7 Hidden Deep and Tightly and Jealously guarded Inner Sanctum Secrets that only can be learned from a Social Media Underground Web Spy whose number is 002.0-and Revealed are the Inner Circle Buried Treasures that Only can Come from a Reclusive genius Social Media Guru “–so let’s take  look at the path to ‘expert” status in social media.

Ahem.

What exactly is a “social media expert?”

A former drip with a computer?

That says a lot.

How about someone who simply says they are.

How about someone that has a computer and a facebook account.

How about anyone that has ever tweeted-once. That will do it.

Lots of folks out there that have done just that and have become a ‘superstar” in the social media arena.

Well…sort of. Maybe a twinkle star might be more like it. But none the less they are out there with their brand new websites and alluring videos espousing the latest guru online.

WARNING:

Below is a TRUE story. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I recently received an email from someone that promised me to teach me EVERYTHING I needed to know about social media and all I had to do was pay this person $1000.00.

Hmmm…$1000.00 to become an EXPERT???

Wow- whole lot cheaper than College.

Hmmm..sounds interesting.

But I wanted to talk to this expert personally, as he wanted to charge me this money–so I emailed him and I called him up from his email he sent with his number.

Ring Ring- “Hello- Mr Expert here.”

Whoa! I am talking to a real live expert!  I asked him as I was very curious as how did he become such a big ticket so quickly- wow- I was in like–awe. He came down from his secret guru headquarters to talk to me- one of the little people in the world–and told me about the “7 Jealously guarded underground inner circle maverick steps” he took and he would share them with me as I could become like HIM- for ONLY—

$1000.00  –for an hour long webinar I must do whatever it took to attend. “Borrow the money, or even steal it as you will be so glad you did as you will know MY secrets….:”

Hmmm…

Well, being inquisitive as I always am, I was rather curious about some things. After all, he was asking for some mula.

Maybe he could answer some questions from dumb ol me – since he was an “expert” and I was on the much lower realm of the lower side of life ladder according to how I was being talked to.

I innocently asked him if he had ever read “Cluetrain and he said, “What is that?”

Uh oh.

I accidentally asked him if he knew who Brian Solis  was, and he said, “Of course, come on–he’s a pitcher for the mets.”

Whew.

I asked him if he knew who Chris Brogan  was, and he said, “Yeah- he’s a very good actor and son of Hollywood actor James Brolin.”

Not quite.

I asked him about the book Tribes” and NO KIDDING- this is what he said- “I do not like Indian folklore as it is too boring to  me as I am too busy raising up Social Media experts.”

Sigh.   (Full Disclosure: I have an actual recording of this conversation.)

And I finally asked him if he had a blog and he said, “Yes- of course. It was on WordPress.” I asked him what plugins he was using, and he said, “Plugin-for what?”

Oh- he had a blog on wordpress.com

Nothing wrong with that-for experts. I need to get one. I got a .org version. Bummer.

Whew. I was not sure if I was going to pay $1000.00 to learn how to become a social media “expert” with this person, but I persisted and asked him one more question:

“What social sites are you on?”

“Facebook, Youtube, and Myspace,” he answered. “Myspace is where it is at my friend…Trust me.”

I asked him if he was on twitter, LinkedIn, or Plaxo, and he said that he did not have time for podcasts.

WHAT????

So in light of this enlightening conversation and tremendous educational intersection, here are my 7 Highly Guarded Underground Hidden steps to become an “Expert in Social Media” in 24 hours or less:

(According to this expert that I was on the phone with…I WISH you could hear the recording…)

1) Get registered on facebook and myspace. Nothing more.

2) Get a wordpress.com blog and write a post on it - once.

3) Forget twitter- podcasts take up too much time.

4) Throw a website up declaring you an expert in Social Media as this guy did – and make it pretty, with Video and audio, and have all the right web 2.0 colors as colors are “psychologically alluring” to the expert.

5) Start talking the lingo-”Friends,” “Posts,” “Groups,” “Strategy,” “Skype me,” “blogosphere,” and of course the BIG word in social media according to him- “Meet up.”

6) Get your email list together and start emailing people you know declaring your new expert status.

7) Pick a Date to hold a webinar– and Charge a $1000.00 per person. Be high pressure and talk down to everyone. And get a pay pal account to make sure when you rake in the bucks, you will have a way to capture it online.

Ahem.

Forget paypal. Use authorize.net- more friendly.

ok- those are the 7 steps to becoming a social media “expert” within 24 hours. We now know what it takes.

Thank God.

By the way…this “expert” has called me back 5 times since our first conversation promising more each time.

Shoot- what did I do with my facebook password?

 

blessings…doug firebaugh

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Doug Firebaugh
Doug Firebaugh is an in demand speaker, trainer, author, and successful entrepreneur that has, along with his wife Jodi, dedicated his life to helping people radically accelerate Success in their life. His training articles, blogs, and e-zines are read by more than one million people a month. He has helped over 10,000 people reach an annual income of more than $50,000 a year. His training products are shipped all over the world and he stays on the road every weekend teaching the Success Passion Message God has put in his heart. He is endorsed by Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, among many others and has shared the stage with a literal whose-who of the speaking industry, including Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, Mark Victor Hansen, Denis Waitley, Tommy Hopkins, Charlie “Tremendous” Jones, Les Brown, Brian Tracy, to name a few. A born again believer, Doug and Jodi give all the credit for any accomplishments to God. They live in Birmingham, Michigan. https://plus.google.com/113188396893218069278?rel=author
Doug Firebaugh
Doug Firebaugh

75 thoughts on “Social Media Marketing- How to Become an “Expert” in Social Media in 24 Hours or Less

  1. Wow. Just…wow. If only I’d known, I could have become an expert a long time ago. It’s hilarious and terrifying all at the same time!

    Too bad I spend all that time reading those blogs by that pitcher for the Mets and Brolin’s kid.

  2. The problem with social media is everyone is learning how to use the tools, but these people don’t have a biz model behind it. All the “experts” are just teaching other people how to use it….. in my opinion the REAL experts are people like @garyvee who actually have developed a biz model behind this stuff.

    SM is a marketing channel which means you’ve got to have something to market!

    Amen matt and garyvee rocks in his videos–doug

  3. Doug, wow your article is great! I have run into many “experts” in several fields and am always amazed at how little they do know. I met someone who claimed to know how to help others make a million dollar income in a few months time, yet from their talk they couldn’t be making that much themselves…or experts in the Law of Attraction yet they treated people horribly, umm if you are truly into the law of attraction you know that everything you do will come back at you including negative vibrations that you sent out to others.

    Thank you for sharing and thank you for being wise enough to know to actually contact someone who claims to be an expert :) I didn’t do that once and went to the teleseminar only to be taught what I already knew, lost a lot of money :( . Went around for a month kicking myself.

    By the way I found this article on Twitter :) Chris Brogan posted it :) going to RT it now, again thanks for the article.

    I sometimes wonder if there is really an “expert” out there – as social media is still in diapers in many respects. Maybe the word or phrase would be “Ruler of Results!” Those that get Great Results for their clients- RULE.

  4. Hilarious. I guess that we now know that Social Media has now made it mainstream that there are so many “get rick quick” schemes starting up that revolve around the space.

    Sadly, I know there will be lots of people lining up to give guys like that $1000.

  5. OMG I am laughing so hard. This is great. BTW, I got to you from a Twitter “podcast” a little bit ago.

    Thanks for sharing the secrets and the story. I’m off to WordPress to set up my expert site, then off to mets.com to check out this new pitcher I’ve heard so much about.

    Cheers

    George

    Twitter podcasts are changing the face of social media. LOL

  6. Where do I sign up :) ? Only $1,000. I’ll pay more to be first in line.

    All kidding aside, having spent a lot of time in online marketing, but just a little time in social media, even I get how off this is! I enjoy your sense of humor as well. Thanks for the post.

    Thank YOU Brook for dropping by.

  7. This is by far one of the most funny items I have read in a long time! I was snorting at my desk!

    Snort On! And it would not be so funny if it were not true.

  8. I’m still laughing. I’m also wiping coffee off of my keyboard. I’ve asked Chris Brogan for James Brolin’s autograph…and…I wonder why I can’t get Twitter to come up in MP3 format so I can listen to it while I drive…

    VERY funny post, and yet…there are so many others just like this guy out there that it really is NOT funny.

    Thanks…

    David- I will see what I can do about the autograph- I have a friend who knows Babs. LOL

  9. Hmmm so, at that rate I must be worth AT least $2000 as I use Twitter and LinkedIn too, and Plaxo and…….. ok ratch that up another $1000.. add on another $10000 as I have been on the internet since 1991-2 so I deserver more for length of time served (call it apprenticeship).

    Awesome, so will expect your PayPal payment for £13,000 forthwith :)

    LOL seriously though, I was in hysterics reading this… Thank you for sharing!

    Send me a BILL! It would be worth every dime starting when he called me.

  10. Hey, I did not give you permission to record our conversation!

    Just kidding (giggle) – that wasn’t me. Honest, it wasn’t me (you readers might think it was me :)

    This is good. No, this is great! Thanks for sharing the secret, now we can all be millionaires. OH, I forgot, I do not have a My Space account. I need to get one ;)

    Thanks for the giggle :) And thanks Chris B. for twittering this.

    Aloha! Thanks for dropping by and yes, it was great of Chris for tweeting this out.

  11. Hilarious … and too true.

    I get follows every day from people on Twitter with 1000 following, 2 followers, and 1 update. Insta-expert, add water and stir.

    BTW:
    twitter.com/johnkoetsier

    Add water and stir- now THAT rocks!

  12. Pingback: jkleppin.com » Blog Archive » Sad but True - is your social media guru worth his or her salt?

  13. Too common to be too funny. Makes me realize how much of an ‘expert’ I could claim to be in a week or two. Well done, Doug.

    thanks- I am thinking it may take 3 weeks.

  14. Ha ha, love it! I originally clicked on your blog title from Twidroid “Buzz” thinking, “another phony expert!.This is gonna be good.” Then I read your hilarious expose’ and was even gladder I clicked. You’ve given some good reading tips too; I’ll check them out. =)

  15. Wow! And there are people who would be sucked in by that promise of “expertise & money”!
    Every problem can be resolved with either time or money – education always takes time (and sometimes money, depending on what you need to learn). One cannot become an expert in an hour…
    Thanks for being brave enough to call this guy out – people should research these “experts” before paying a grand for an hour.
    Great writing!
    V-

  16. Okay… I have my Facebook page, my MySpace, and I have my wordpress.com site (admittedly I’m too frakkin’ lazy to run my own site) I’m also on The Twitter and The FriendFeed… can I set up a seminar and charge 1667.00 dollars, because I’m on two more social sites than he is?

    Thanks for sharing the info. It’s amazing to me that this guy would call himself an expert, but more important is that many corporations look for people who will set up a seminar and talk down to them… because only GOOD CONSULTANTS charge a lot of money, and are snarky and mean… There’s a lot of change that has to happen to change the playing field so guys like this slide off the edge.

  17. Wow…

    It is amazing that people actually do that. One would think that if he knew his subject a little better he would have known that Indian Folklore is absolutely ESSENTIAL to being a Social Media Expert…

    Anyway, great article and too true, that scam artists are everywhere. You really do find people that know just enough to think they know it all and then they can’t hold their own in a battle of wits…

    In your case, you were in a battle of wits with an unarmed man…

    Keep up the great work, I will have to wait before I put on my $1000 webinar until I know a little (a lot) more about my topic.

    Have an amazing day!

    Micheal Savoie

    PS – follow my podcasts at http://twitter.com/michealsavoie

  18. Pingback: Social Media Marketing- How to Become an "Expert" in Social Media … | Social Blogged

  19. True true true.

    I have been in web development and creative for over 14 years. Until the mid 2000′s you had to be an expert in web technologies in order to be a publisher… or at least have money to hire these experts.

    That game has changed… and now anyone can be a producer… and apparently, anyone can be an expert.

    So now what? Is it really who you know? Is a social media expert someone who blogs 101 over and over again? With respect, do you have to rub elbows with Solis, Defren, Fox, Jaffe or one of the Shel’s in order to be an expert? I don’t think that matters… although I have met and respect all of them… they only have a few dozen months experience ahead of the “guys” you are writing about.

    The term Social Media Expert has jumped the shark. But there is still validity in knowing about social media in order to engage in any meaningful way.

    Social Media expert is like saying you are a broadcast expert, or a print expert… it’s way to vague and we are way past due for the reckoning.

    Reboot the terms… learn from the mistakes… call BS when you see it… move on.

    Who are the real social media experts? The ones who get meaningful results for clients. The ones who are in the trenches, trying to make it work. The ones who get excited because a blog pitch made it to the huffington post, or the video they produced got millions of views, and a shift in awareness. The ones engaging in meaningful dialogue with their customer’s customer.

    Ask your “expert” about the results they will get.. IF there is a quiver in any way, or they answer with something incomprehensible… run away.

    that’s my take anyway.
    collin

  20. This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. I’m guessing though, for big-budget companies needing to jump into SocMed but with no idea how to begin, sharks like these can make serious money.

  21. If it were not for the fact that your home page alone contains numerous grammatical errors, e.g.: “thinking about the many arenas that IS impacted”, You might actually have credibility. (BTW – Correct would be “…ARE impacted”.) Before declaring yourself as “Social Media Expert” it would be beneficial, dare I say mandatory, to become an “expert” in the English language.

    Thanks mark. I do thisblog all by myself-and that is a rarity these days! thanks for pointing out these “tweaks”-ALL input is appreciated- thanks for the eagle eye.

  22. Scary, isn’t it? I’m constantly amazed at emergence of instant experts in our society — whether their “specialty” is social media or…say, the economy. The sad thing is the number of people who buy it because they don’t know enough to question and are too lazy to learn the old-fashioned way — by jumping in and experiencing it first-hand.

  23. this is funny and too true. The real question to ask is “have you ever started and been responsible for a social media/online community project – from the start? what were the business goals? what were the results? Did you do it for yourself or for a company?
    I think that this would eliminate many other “experts” – people that have talked to others, read books, read other blogs etc etc. That may be blogging and tweeting but have not had to do it for an enterprise company and reported results in a business environment.
    Real social media experts that have been practitioners are much more rare.
    Perhaps you can be an expert but what people need are people that have ‘been there, done that” – and that list is much shorter.

  24. Pingback: Twitter Tweets about social media marketing as of February 17, 2009 | The Lessnau Lounge

  25. This made me laugh out loud; the worst part about this whole subject is the amount of solicitations I get for conferences from big, well-established organizations offering classes on how to tweet and citing “experts” that are several years behind current trends. Then again, anyone willing to pay that kind of money, and too lazy to do some basic online research to find this information online (free), probably deserves the skill set they end up with.

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  29. Hey Doug, what a crackup! Little did he know who he was talking to. You must have been laughing up your sleeve. Blessings to you and Jodi. David – iLG

  30. Hey Doug,
    This is truly priceless, but at the same time, very scary. You know the questions to ask, but there is absolutely no guarantee that most of the people who talk to this clown are going to be quite a well-informed or social media savvy.
    After all, there are still people out there who genuinely do believe that MySpace is still the be all and end all, and once like that gets fixed in people’s minds, it’s pretty difficult to get it unfixed.
    It does sometimes make me wonder whether we should just ‘out’ these people to protect the innocent.
    Anyway, good shout,
    Steve

  31. I’m thinking: if I spend too much time reading your blog posts I’ll need to be treated for chronic split sides. Thanks so much for making me laugh out loud and giving me food for thought at the same time. A real gift.

  32. Love the article-I have know a few of these so-called social media experts. I would love a website that people could post the names of these snake oil salesmen…..

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  39. Good Grief! Makes me want to invent a “Slap Paddle” and just slap some of these people silly!

    It is scary what some people can/will do with just a little bit of knowledge.

    Please post all this individual’s identities so others who perhaps do not know any better will not be taken in by this *bleep*, please!

    GO CRAZY!!!!

  40. Pingback: Social Media Expert–Are you Keeping Up with the Social Media Marketing Home Business Trend? | Ontarian Hawkins

  41. “I do not like Indian folklore as it is too boring to me” Gold, gold, gold. How did you contain yourself? I live in hope that an ‘expert’ will cross my path soon…

    Please post the conversation – PLEASE! I can imagine it on YouTube as a voiceover for some crudely drawn cartoons or stick figures.

  42. Pingback: new media lisa » Blog Archive » If social media experts aren’t experts only the charlatans will be “experts”

  43. new media lisa—I like your thinking. Doug, you have to out these people. I would hate, absolutely hate, for any friend, client or any person to get unknowingly exposed to them. Hopefully someone could google the post and find their out. I think a real expert might add a French spécialiste to the mix to really authentic it up… Great post.

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  46. I think your criticism is unfair. May be this 2.0 expert was not on twitter, but at least he had a business model. Do you know many 2.0 websites that do have a business model? (lol)

  47. Pingback: Hey, Social Media Experts - Get a JOB | Professional Blog Service

  48. You my friend are a legend for this blog post. I was definitely considering writing one of my own similar to this with a bit more experience/clout.

    By my terms you are only a social media marketing expert if you are doing something that nobody else has thought of yet, and even then… IT HAS TO WORK TODAY

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